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TEN THINGS YOU CAN DO ALONE TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Posted Tuesday, April 12, 2011
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When your relationship is stressed and tense, it is hard to work on things that require both partners. Do not despair, because there are plenty of things that one person can start to do in efforts to encourage improving the relationship. For those of you who do not have the support of your partner, here are things you can do on your own.
 
Think of the positive outcomes

First, you really have to believe and embrace that positive change is possible. Begin by envisioning how things will be different in every aspect of your life when your relationship begins to improve. By picturing as much detail as possible, it will be easier to eventually step into this picture at some later date.
 
Believe in miracles and act "as if"

Once you can imagine positive outcomes, reflect on how you will be behaving differently when they happen. Then start doing that right now!
 
Be kind, polite, & courteous, even when your partner isn't

This one is a tough one, because you may be feeling hurt, angry & disappointed by your spouses action. Rather than reacting as you normally might (which likely will get you the exact same thing you've been getting....more fights), try to see your spouse as lost and confused. Be patient, kind and steady and your efforts will pay off.
 
Pay attention to the small, positive changes

Noticing the small positive changes will help you stay the course.  Big changes are not the rule of thumb, but rather small changes are much easier to accomplish and easier to do more of.  Noticing and acknowledging them is really important. Imagine the smallest change possible that would signal a shift in how things have been going. Then focus on that.
 
Focus on yourself and your future, no matter what

Rather than focusing on your partner and what you want them to be doing differently (which you can't control), shift the focus on you. Relax and begin considering how you are going to go about creating the best possible future for you, without it depending on your partner and their choices. 
 
Just do it...Exercise your worry away

Exercise is such a good idea on so many different levels. It helps ease worries, de-stresses people, encourages fitness and increases people's self-esteem. Do it!
 
Do something that you enjoy

Get out of the rut by doing something different, something you enjoy. Instead of becoming down and stale due to having a hard time in the relationship, this is exactly the best time to get up and doing something just for the fun of it. Novelty stimulates the brain. 
 
Make quality time with your children or other loved ones.  Be present.

Many times, when people are teetering on the brink of divorce, their pain makes them become self-absorbed and staying the moment becomes a challenging task. You will never be able to do your children's childhood again, so do your best to be with them mentally when you're with them.
 
You will get off track, get back on quickly, but don't beat yourself up for it.

You will likely get off track now and again, so expect it.  The trick is getting back on track as quickly as possible, but don't beat yourself up for having gotten off track. Self-recrimination isn't very helpful when you are already having a tough time in your relationship, so be kind to yourself. 
 
Practice self-nurturing and self-soothing activities

Meditate, pray, hike in the mountains or watch a sky full of shooting stars. On a regular basis, do whatever it takes to bring you back to yourself. You and everyone around will benefit from your peacefulness.

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