Designing a Regular Relationship Workout
Here it is, July 2011. Canada has just celebrated Canada Day, and our neighbours in the States are celebrating Independence Day. It certainly feels like summer is in the air with lots of festivities outdoors and there is an atmosphere of fun in the air. Interestingly, with improved weather, many people start to feel more positive about themselves and their lives, including their relationships.
This article is an invitation to continue to attend to relationship matters, throughout the year. It is wise to have a general plan and strategy to keep the relationship in focus. This is much the same as having a plan for keep physically healthy and in shape. The conventional wisdom is to workout regularly, three times a week. This general rule-of-thumb also applies to relationship workouts.
The Basics
Time: Dedicating to working on the relationship is much like dedicating to physical workouts. As mentioned above, ideally three times per week will render stronger and quicker positive results. A successful follow-thru is critical.
Focus on Matters-of-the-Heart: Once again, minicking the general wisdom of developing a physical workout plan, the relationship plan must also deliberately focus on matters-of-the-heart. This is vital, because it is matters-of-the-heart that are often weak points in relationship health. In order to strengthen emotional connections and the foundational aspects of your relationship, focusing on strengthening the emotional connections and matters-of-the-heart are essential.
Matters-of-the-Heart Workout Exercise: Although there are a number of ways to strengthen your emotional connections with your partner, a suggested place to start is to increase your intimate knowledge of one another. Many couples make the mistake that they know everything about their partner. This often will lead a couple to stop communicating, limiting their curiosity of one another and begin to drift apart.
This exercise is intended to increase your awareness, curiosity and understanding of your partner's world, experience and history. It is important to approach this exercise with an open mind and a quest to learn something new about your partner. Do this three times a week for the next two months.
Begin by using some of the questions below to start your 'curiosity quest'.
Curiosity Quest Questions:
What is your fondest dream that you have yet to fulfil?
What makes you feel most competent?
What excites you sexually?
What is your favourite way to spend an evening?
What personal improvements do you want to make in your life? How can I help you?
What are your most cherished childhood memories?
What is one of your favoured ways of being soothed?
What would be an ideal job for you?
If you went back to school for the fun of learning, what would you study?
Who is your least favourite relative and why?
What is your favourite holiday?
What are you currently worried about?
What was one of your most embarrassing moments? funniest moments?
Who do you admire most in the world?
What are your aspirations, hopes, and wishes?
Curiosity Quest Listening
When listening to the responses, it is essential that the listener remain non-judgemental, open and accepting of their partners sharing. Follow up with questions that further the conversation and encourages more discovery and exploration by each of you.
This type of exercise, when done in the spirit of relationship building, bonding and connecting, will improve the degree of emotional safety and a stronger sense of relationship security.
Although this is an exercise that
